Thursday, July 8, 2010

You’re not getting a refund so f**k off

We wrote HERE about the lack of characters currently in the motel industry and the need to go back in time to discover real gems.

Luckily, the wider travel industry does have a few contemporary characters that we can gain some inspiration from. 

Michael O’Leary is the Chief Executive of Europe’s largest low-fare airline, Ryanair. He is often controversial, outspoken and has become a self-made legend in his own lifetime. Michael O’Leary has taken over from Richard Bransen as the innovator of the airline industry by shunning political correctness. 

I am currently reading his latest book ‘The Little Book of Mick’ as a customer service training manual. Surprisingly the book seems to have much relevance to the motel industry. Here are a few quotes that illustrate Michael O’Leary's customer service philosophies, wit and wisdom that we can all learn from ;-)
On plane cancellations
"If a plane is canceled will we put you up in an hotel overnight? Absolutely not. If a plane is delayed will we give you a voucher for a restaurant? Absolutely not.”

On refunds for canceled flights
"What part of No Refund do you not understand? You are not getting a refund, so f… off."

On apologizing
"Are we going to apologize when something goes wrong? Now we’re f.. not. Please understand it does not matter how many times you write to us."

On popularity
"I don’t give a shite if nobody likes me."

On his transatlantic plans
"Our transatlantic service working title is. Beds and Blowjobs $10 in economy and a fantastic Beds and Blowjobs service in business."

On new UK security measures
"It feels like Laurel and bloody Hardy are working at the Department of Transport, coming up with these security measures. The western world is not in danger from lethal toiletries."

On British Airways
"On British Airways your luggage will travel further than you will."

On flying
"Are we trying to blow up the notion that flying is some kind of orgasmic experience rather than a glorified bus service? Yes, we are. An airplane is nothing more than a bus with wings on."

On funeral-goers being Ryanair’s most profitable passengers
"They tend to book late because they don’t tend to have much notice, and they tend to be price-insensitive because they have to travel."

On Ryanair flights
"If you want a quiet flight, use another airline. Our flights are noisy, full and we are always trying to sell you something."

On pricing
"No we shouldn’t give you a bloody cup of coffee. We only charge 19 Euro for the ticket."

On no-refunds
"We don’t fall over ourselves if you say, ‘My granny fell ill.’ What part of ‘no-refunds’ don’t you understand." 

On Strategy
"Our strategy is like Wal-Mart: We pile it high and sell it cheap."

On Toilets
"If someone wanted to pay £5 to go to the toilet I would carry them myself. I would wipe their bums for a fiver." 

On Charges
"At the moment the ice is free, but if we could find a way of targeting a price on it, we would." 

On the environment
"The best thing we can do with environmentalists is shoot them.These headbangers want to make air travel the preserve of the rich. They are Luddites marching us back to the 18th century." 

On Travel agents
“F**kers.”

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