Motel Story Competition Winner - Motel Horror Guests

We announced the winner of the inaugural Motel Story Competition just before Christmas. 

After many hours of deliberations, the winning story was deemed to be from, Carl Smith of www.travelmonkee.co.nz. 

"The judges were impressed with Carl's graphic detail of the horrors that ensued while hosting a high-maintenance "family from Hell" at his motel in Taupo."  

The yarn will be appreciated by moteliers that are experiencing an influx of leisure guests at this time of the year. While most guests will be easily satisfied, others will be habitual "bell ringers" that seem to struggle with simple tasks when away from a familiar environment;-)

Here's the winning story:

So a little time ago, I received a booking for a family of 3, no they didn’t want the family apartment, they would take the studio with the pull out sofa, cheaper and they would only be here for one night so that was okay.

So at about 6.30 pm the family of 4 arrived, right at dinner, (but that what happens in a motel, always at dinner, or when you are on the bog etc)

Conversation

Them: We are here to check into the family apartment.

Me: Arrr you booked the studio with the fold out sofa for the three of you, except I see there are four!

Them: Well can you give us the apartment at the same price as the studio, since we forgot to mention our other son.

Me: No sorry for one the apartment is booked, and secondly it would cost you an extra $60.

Them: Okay, (sighing) we will be forced to take the studio, even though you should have put us for no extra charge in the apartment.

Me: (Trying hard to ignore them) okay let’s get you checked in.

So I took them up to the room, showed them how to fold out the sofa, put in extra blanket as requested, (as they were from a warmer climate and it is so cold here).

Sit down to resume dinner, the phone rings.

Them: This is room 21 there is no remote for the TV.

Me: Okay I will come up.

I enter the room and the TV is playing, the 3 year old is watching TV with the remote in her hand.

Me: Your daughter has the remote.

Them: Don’t be silly...Oh did you just give it to her?

Me: No, (smiling condescendingly because by this time I had their number sussed).

Them: Ok we will call you if we have any other problems.

Me: Oh I’m sure you will be fine, really!

Sit down with fork in hand, phone rings.

Me: hello room 21.

Them: yes the doors in the toilet do not shut.

Me: Oh, I will come up.

In the hall way I noticed a pungent smell coming from under the door of room 21, upon opening the door, I notice the microwave has smoke pouring out of it. I look around the room, they are all watching TV, (with the found remote).

Me: Did you noticed the microwave, I say as they look at me. By this time I have the remainder of microwave popcorn smoldering and burning on the tray, and place it out the door.

Them: What is wrong with this product, it says microwave for up to 5 minutes.

Me: or until it stops popping, most occasions in under 3 minutes.

Them, Silly microwave, you should have it looked at.

Me, examining the Microwave: Ah I think you have burnt the wall of the oven, (and stunk out the room and upper floor).

Them: Never mind, you should fix these broken doors, (these are sliding doors that open the bath tub into the room, most people know how to work sliding doors).
 

Me: Okay just pull them together like this (demonstrating sliding doors).

Them: oh the silly things didn’t work before.

Me: Funny that...

So sitting down to cold dinner phone rings.

Me: Hi room 21.

Them: How do we get an outside line to call a pizza place.

Me: on the phone handset there is a sticker that says push one for outside line.

Them: Oh how can I see that when I pick up the phone?

Me: You are dead right, I never thought about not putting a sticker on the phone.

Them: And by the way, there is an issue with the pull out bed.

Me: Would you like me to come and put it together?

Them: It might be hard because it is broken.

Me: How?

Them: Not sure my husband thinks it was broken before we got here.

Me: I will come up.

I come up the stairs to hear their door slam, and the sound of broken plastic, the microwave which is placed beside the door, has its door jammed in the door way, (sorry I know that sounds confusing, but with over 20k guests we have never had the microwave busted).
 

I enter and Mrs. Them is standing holding the microwave door shut, Mr. Them is staring at a broken bar in his hand from the pull out sofa.

Me: What seems to be the problem?

Them: When I tried to pull out the bed this bar fell on the ground.

Me: Mmm did you lift the lever like I showed you before?

Them: There was no lever, and I think you must of damaged it when you showed me.

Me: Okay we will sort this out later; I fixed up the bed, and wedge the broken bar back into place.

Me: Okay anything else?

Them: I want to tell you we are Doctors and are very intelligent people, never have we had so much trouble as we have encountered staying here.

Me: Good night.

20 Minutes later the phone rings.

Them: how do was shut these sliding door properly?

Me, I will come up and wedge them shut.

Them: Okay.

Enter the room the Microwave is sitting on the bench, the door squ-wiff (ignore the door).

Me: What is the problem with the doors? 

Them: these doors are terrible, the will not shut at all, our daughter can see me through the gap,.

Me: what gap?

Them: This gap, showing a door that is now off the rails: I fix the doors and leave.

30 minutes later the phone rings, it is now about 9.30 pm.

Them: We want to use the laundry to wash our clothes.

Me: Sorry the laundry is closed, because we don’t want to wake up the other guests.

Them: Don’t be silly, we will be quiet.

Me: The laundry is closed, you can get up early in the morning and use it before 8am.

The next day they checked out early, settled their account. I went up to the room, it was totally trashed, the microwave was stuffed, there was rubbish all over the floor, human waste from the young boy left by the rubbish bin.

What proceeded next was a battle as I used their credit card to pay for new microwave, and extra cleaning costs.


I don't think that I have ever had such annoying guests, I know that this is long, but believe me it is the shortened version!

New Year's Day Snooze

Busy time of year, so not much blogging today....Couldn't resist posting a photo of this chap that I spotted across the road from our motel when I opened our reception this morning.

Last night's celebrations obviously got the better of him...

Happy New Year From The Motella Blog!

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due?

The big news story of the day would have to be Helen Clark being awarded the top honour of a Member of the Order of New Zealand.

The rumor was buzzing around the blogosphere before Christmas, however after finally seeing it announced officially in the MSM  it still shocks and grates.

Around the blogs, Kiwiblog takes a nonchalant view and would rather conserve anger for Michael Cullen's patsy appointment to an SOE Board while still an MP. 

Whaleoil uses the opportunity to heckle Trevor Mallard that "could only choke out three words in praise of Helen Clark".

Over at Homepaddock they muse over Clark's award by posing some important questions:

Are honesty and integrity important?

Does the type of person someone is count at least as much as what s/he does?  Should s/he be be judged not only on what s/he does but the way s/he does it? Do not just  deeds but character matter?

Should our greatest people also be good?

Libberty Scott draws a parallel with another notable undeserved award winner:

After Barack Obama being granted the Nobel Peace Prize for absolutely nothing, the New Zealand Government has now granted Helen Clark the Order of New Zealand.

No Minister will not be "celebrating the fact that Helen Clark is now supposedly one of the 20 greatest living New Zealanders" on their post aptly headed "New Year Horrus".

Over here at Motella we will be hoping that this formality that the government has bestowed upon Aunty Helen will now permanently consign our former Headmistress to history. We will remember Clark as setting up a centralist regime that made the majority of Kiwis dependent upon the forced wealth redistribution from productivity of others.

Kinda apt that this award was announced on New Year's Eve. Some may drink to celebrate, while others will drink to forget...

Ban The Van!

Best Kind!

If there needs to be evidence that blogs are the bastion for inspired thought, go no further than the subtle prose of fellow blogger, Oswald Bastable. 

In few words, he has captured the essence of a practical recommendation that may assist curb an age old problem.

"Drivers dragging these rolling roadblocks at 65k without pulling over need flogging with an aardvark-hide triple-thonged whip, immersion in strong brine, more flogging, then bastinado followed by being staked to an anthill in the hot sun after being honey glazed!

For a first offense, that is..."

For those holidaymakers on the road trapped behind those insipid, mean spirited, fair weather motel dodging gypsies, Oswald's recommendations appear to be right on the money!

Encouraging Motel Sex

You may remember that we installed a new vending machine at our motel a few weeks ago.

I must admit that this has been providing me a bit of distracting amusement as I try different items for our guests to purchase. 

Yesterday was a monumental day for me when I sold my first packet of condoms through the machine.

For over a decade and a half I have been selling motel rooms. Due to the nature of our industry, couples can...if they have an inkling...have sex. I am very comfortable with this - in fact I feel flattered that some people may have the urge at my motels. Now after all these years, I feel that I may have crossed the line by selling a sexual accessory and encouraging sex. Could this be a slippery slope?

...So this got me thinking about what other complementary accessories I could be selling? A quick Google search reveals that the hotel industry seems to be way ahead of the motel industry in this regard and are furiously replacing the Gideon Bible with all sorts of paraphernalia of an "adult nature".

At the Morongo Casino Resort, the concierge has been known to make a floral arrangement with sex toys at the request of one guest. The Hard Rock Hotel has handcuffs on the room service. The Sagamore offers the Shag Bag-a goodie bag of sex toys. The James Hotel has intimacy kits for sale in its mini-bars as does the W Hotels. 

Even less cool and hip hotels like the Crescent City Guest House in New Orleans have a "Safe Sex" kit discreetly tucked away in the nightstand drawer so their more conservative guests can pretend the kits are not there. The Hotel Pelirocco has an erotic boutique-sponsored menu available for in-room use. Or if you don't feel like springing for the kit, apparently the hotel also sells condoms in their vending machine.

Hmmm...something to think about for 2010.

Homeless Motel

Christmas and New Year brings a lot of stress as families that spend the year apart join together for the holiday season.

This time of the year is also a time for impromptu generosity and we were heartened to read that a mysterious donor felt the need to share the love by booking 15 homeless people at the Express Inn motel in Colorado over Christmas.

We would love to get the candid reaction from the unsuspecting paying guests that were staying at the motel and given the unique opportunity to bond with homeless people over the festive season.

Just saying...

'Clean and green' is a fantasy that sets us up to fail

Business New Zealand can at times sup with the devil, however, Chief Executive, Phil O'Reilly is an able spokesman for the organisation that represents the interests of New Zealand businesses.

We particularly enjoyed  O'Reilly's column in the New Zealand Herald today that highlights this country's misplaced assumption on the value visitors place on our self imposed "clean, green image".

Within the tourism industry we have talked ourselves into believing that our international visitors that have just stepped off a long haul carbon emitting flight are obsessed with saving the planet.

While we are all are concerned about our environment, the tourism industry seems to be unable to differentiate between the needs and desires of international and domestic guests that are often radically different from what they politely say.

When there are some accommodation providers that proudly boast about placing timers on showers in the name of the environment we have reached a point where we need to seriously question what we are offering.

Read O'Reilly's column in full and while reading replace the phrase "clean, green image" with Tourism NZ's branding byline: "100 Pure".

"The stunning natural environment is only part of the mosaic that is New Zealand, says Phil O'Reilly.

There's a Kiwi slogan that rolls easily off the tongue, a way of describing our beautiful countryside, farms and our love of the outdoors - "clean and green".

We hear it said with pride. We also hear it used in a critical way, for example when some environmental problem is seen to be undermining our "clean, green image".

But does "clean and green" paint a true picture and is it how others see us?

In my work I get to quite a few international forums and often hear people's perceptions of New Zealand.

Here's what they say:

• The country is beautiful, and the people are friendly, open, down to earth, direct, hospitable and welcoming. 
• New Zealand people are "authentic". They say there is something vibrant about us. 
• New Zealand is safe and pretty. It's the least corrupt country in the world. The people are honest and trustworthy. 
• Americans say the food is good, with no worries about food safety. Australians talk about flying over to have fun in Courtenay Place.

People overseas find our countryside beautiful but they tend to mention our people more. And, interestingly, I've never heard anyone describe New Zealand in terms of "clean and green". Yet we seem to have convinced ourselves that that's how the world sees us.

We seem to have a view that any chink in our environment will badly compromise our clean, green image in the eyes of the world.

I don't think people overseas do have such simplistic opinions. Most people are realists. They understand that an absolutely pristine environment is not achievable unless humans are somehow removed from the picture.

People's work doesn't happen in a purely pristine way - you can't call coal mining "clean and green", or panelbeating, air travel, dairy farming or diesel transport.

The same goes for everyday life: driving to the supermarket; turning on a light that's maybe powered by a coal-fired generator; concreting a driveway or painting a house - all these impact on the environment.

The danger in holding up "clean and green" as a banner to describe ourselves is that it is very excluding - it excludes many aspects of our work and our lives. It's more mythology than statement of reality.

It also sets us up to fail.

With an absolute statement like "clean and green" any variation becomes a failure.
This is unfortunate, given the pervasiveness and rapidity of communications. Try Googling "clean green New Zealand" and you'll find many recent critical entries pointing out instances where we are failing to meet the standard of "clean and green".

It can be used by extremists for the purpose of highlighting any environmental failings, however slight. So why should we set ourselves up for this?

Part of the magic of New Zealand is that as a people we are more committed to our natural environment than just about any other people on earth. That's why the silver fern expresses our national psyche so well - a simple plant, a beautiful piece of prehistoric vegetation from the time of Gondwanaland still sustainable today.

In our commitment to the environment, we need to be careful to avoid an absolutist attitude that can limit our thinking, boxing us in. We need a holistic, not extremist, view.

When overseas people ask me to describe New Zealand, I always say, "It's one of the best places in the world to live."

That's my attempt at conveying all the different parts of New Zealand that together add up to something pretty wonderful.

New Zealand is the natural environment but it's also much, much more. I'd like us to get beyond lazy slogans. We should start thinking in a more realistic, holistic way and get out of the box."

Source: Click HERE

Guilt Free Travel

We appreciate anything that makes travel more enjoyable and FUN.

The following video was of a flash mob attack at Lisbon Airport that created an outbreak of joy amongst the astounded onlookers that were able to momentarily forget their guilt of carbon emitting travel;-)

We expect that this phenomenon to catch on in the wider tourism industry, so expect to see the odd impromptu flash mob to break out at a motel near you:

Business Owner's Rights?

Earlier this year, we questioned the decision to for the owners of Supreme Motor Lodge to have a publicised policy of restricting their services to people from a certain geographical area, but we defended their right to do so.

We note that more recently another business owner is in the news relating to his decision to ban a section of the public from his establishment. After enduring a weekend of drunken fights, vandalism and general mayhem the owner of Monteith's Brewery Bar in Paraparaumu has banned all persons under the age of  20.

While banning people from a geographical area is probably not breaching the Human Rights Act, imposing a ban on the basis of age could well be.

However, the stand by the besieged bar owner has been applauded by police and we were pleased to see that over 50% of readers of an online Dominion Post opinion poll answered to the affirmative to the question: "Should a Kapiti pub be able to ban young people"?

Perhaps more importantly the Kapiti bar owner has the support of the Motella Blog.

Not surprisingly, hand-wringing, socialist wowsers are turning to the Human Rights Act to override the business owner's right to determine who he should host and allow on his own private property.

Disappointingly, Bruce Robertson, Hospitality Association of New Zealand chief executive was probably caught off guard when approached for comment and gave a cut and paste quote suggesting that the bar should "focus on behaviour, not age."

Yeah, we realise that on the face of it, the bar owners actions could be flouting the Human Rights Act, however Bruce Robertson's comments are not good enough. 

In this case we believe that the law is an ass. Bruce, we respectfully suggest that after you come home from the beach, you revisit this situation to determine how you can better serve your members.

Accommodation providers that also prefer to deal with "adults" will be looking on to see if there is a way around the present law or if there needs to be coordinated advocacy for common sense...