Friday, April 30, 2010

Is It Time For Holden to Man-up?

Have you noticed the way cars are being advertised at the moment? Am I the only one cringing when an ex-children's television presenter and softly-spoken, metro-sexual pin-up boy, Nathan Rarere fronts those condescending Holden promo adverts on television?

Our free advice to Holden is to stop feminising your brand, go back to your roots and man-up or you will be soon following the doomed pathway of your American cousins. Political correctness infected GM that resulted in this once proud car company losing its way and going bankrupt. GM are now wallowing in the embarrassment of being run by government advisers. 

Out of blatant self-interest, we need the public to get passionate about cars again. We need them to fall in love, get behind the wheel and enjoy the journey. The car is the ultimate prize of consumerism, we need to rid ourselves of the senseless guilt and celebrate the benefits of living in a modern, mobile society while burning carbon. Cars are a magical combination of ego, beauty, sex form and function.

AND as an added bonus, cars happen to carry 99.9% of guests to my doorstep where I can sell them a room!

Car companies are engaging in endless surveys and focus groups to back up the bland virtues that they are pushing in their adverts. They assume the car purchasing public are focused on fuel economy, safety and the car manufacturer's social commitment. 

Nothing could be further from the truth. 

OK, I admit there may be a few gray shoe and cardigan wearing school teacher types that simply wish to purchase an efficient metal box on wheels that will take them from A to B. Thankfully we haven't reached the stage yet, where the majority have lost the passion. 

What the surveys don't tell car manufacturers is that most people purchase a car as a sex aid. What they REALLY want to know is: how big is the car's engine, how fast will it go, will it slide around corners, how wide are the tyres and will it out-perform the neighbor's car. And most importantly, will purchasing a certain car increase their sex appeal?

Check-out these Holden adverts from yesteryear:

Now compare those adverts with the politically correct fluff we get today:

I want my Holden back!

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