Sunday, February 24, 2013

Caravan Carnage

There is a common New Zealand psyche that dictates that when choosing holiday accommodation, Kiwis err on the side of...being miserable. That's why the number one preferred Kiwi holiday activity involves sponging free accommodation off friends and family.

Slightly higher up the food chain is a hard core of mean-spirited Kiwis that revel in clogging up the highways and visually polluting the scenery with cumbersome caravans and other assorted mobile motel-dodging camping paraphernalia.

Regular readers of this blog will appreciate my intolerance for caravans and any other form of camping. I'm not alone:

Jeremy Clarkson has been so outspoken about the blight of caravans that he has been stalked by disgruntled members from the the UK Caravan Society that have seen fit to protest outside his Top Gear television show

Fellow Top Gear host Richard Hammond has released an interactive DVD where the viewer is rewarded at the end with the chance to blow up a caravan. (Worth considering as a Christmas stocking filler for the kids).

Meanwhile in New Zealand we also have enlightened commentary on the scourge of caravan culture.

Media personality and car-nut, Paul Henry has been quoted: “Have you ever seen a caravan blow up? Oh, you can not get enough of watching caravans blow up. ..."

You just can't argue with logic like that!

Ex-W(h)anganui Mayor Michael Laws in one of his more insightful rants once said "Holiday parks are for people who can't afford motels."

In today's Herald On Sunday, I see that Jaquie Brown has joined the select group of insightful Kiwis dissing the scourge of caravan culture plaguing the nation. She has written the following succinct opinion piece in reaction to the reported trend of thieves stealing caravans:
"If I could get my hands on these people stealing caravans, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

I'd launch at them and savage them with ... hugs.

Yes sir, I'd kiss the living daylights out of them. They are doing what I've wanted to do for years.

I've often dreamed of forming a secret gang of vigilante motorists, clearing the roads of caravans and restoring peace and order to New Zealand highways.

The "Great Caravan Cull" is something I'd gladly get behind.

We all know you don't want to get behind an actual caravan on the road; holding us to ransom; dribbling along at 12km/h; swerving their big bottoms left to right; blocking the view.

I can't tell you how many summer road trips have ended with me sick and sweaty - spitting insults at the selfish road lump in front of us.

So whoever you are out there, stealing caravans: stand strong, be proud, and know you are doing right in the world".

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