Friday, May 31, 2013

Destination Tourism Promotion By Winston

Winston Peter's latest destination tourism promotion campaign seems to have worked a treat.

A widely reported speech by Peters in front of  NZ First's youth division (North Shore Grey Power), has sparked up wonderful imagery of Auckland as the "the supercity of sin"

You just can't put a price on free publicity like that!

And who can we thank for creating an exciting, vibrant, must-visit city awash with prostitution, gambling and crime? Well, according to Peters, it's all those Chinese immigrants of course!

After a tip-off, we can exclusively reveal what inspired Peters to start promoting Auckland.

While formulating his latest outburst, Peters booked into an Auckland waterfront city hotel that had been recently purchased by a Chinese investment company.

While ensconced in his guest room, Peters started looking for late-night entertainment venues by thumbing through the hotel's guest information compendium and soon became outraged with what he saw...
"Getting There

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the Manukau Harbour. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel 

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room 

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the harbour is used only by pederasts.


Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

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